Me, Myself, I

I am a carbon-based ape-descended life form who has been in existence for at least 1.3 Giga-seconds, & if you can't work that out — good — that's the general idea!

I live with some 60,000,000,000 others of my species, and a vastly larger number of other entities of species of inferior intellect*, on this utterly insignificant little blue-green planet orbiting a small unregarded yellow sun some 26 kilo-light-years from the centre of the seventh largest galaxy (see map) in galactic cluster 34217356. Any time you're passing please drop in and say "Hi there!".

* In most cases.

Between the ages of 0 and 5, I grew up — as you do.

I was educated at school where I learned lots of things like:

how to write proper English like what I do now alot of
how to dramatically make an indelible mark on the ceiling of the chemistry lab
how to loose various items up a welsh mountain
the average rainfall in the Venezuelan jungle and other useful facts that they teach you at school

Following some excellent careers advice at school (one of my friends who had good grades in Biology and Geography was recommended to try gardening!) I went to Coventry Polytechnic, where I learned after four years that it would have been a better idea to get a job instead of going to Polytechnic. That was in the days before they decided to replace the word 'Polytechnic' with the word 'University' — doubtless to improve academic standards — yeah right.

I live in the 'royal' town of Sutton Coldfield, West Midlands, UK, a town with a history stretching back to the time of King Henry VIII (hence the royal bit), but now just a reluctant suburb on the northern outskirts of Birmingham.
In my time I have also been observed in the exotic habitats of Coventry, Leicester, and Hayward's Heath.

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